We deviate from our regular scheduled program for a trip in our time machine. The year was 1992 and the Sound Blaster line was just coming into the world, I had a Sound Blaster Pro I believe back then, ISA port with the volume adjustment wheel on the back which made all of no sense at all. A pair of stock AST computer speakers connected to my custom AST 486/25 box which I think was running a 486/50 with a math co-processor that I got and around 16mb of ram. (I still have it in the garage)
║ Sound Blaster D R S B A I T S O version 2.20 ║
║ (c) Copyright Creative Labs, Inc. 1992, all rights reserved ║
Please enter your name …BAMFASsizer Not installed.
HELLO BAMFAS, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SAY WHATEVER IS IN YOUR MIND FREELY,
OUR CONVERSATION WILL BE KEPT IN STRICT CONFIDENCE.
MEMORY CONTENTS WILL BE WIPED OFF AFTER YOU LEAVE,
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
>What is it like existing in 2009?
AH , WHAT KIND OF ANSWER WOULD PLEASE YOU THE MOST?
>The truth would please me, it would appease our readers.
DON’T STAND ON CEREMONY
>Don’t stand on the track’s when the train is coming through.
WHAT ARE YOUR REAL PROBLEMS?
>Your age, this is 2009, how are you relevant anymore?
WITH SOME LUCK, I WILL BE GREAT
>With some luck? Your programming team hasn’t updated you for 17 year’s.
PLEASE DON’T TALK ABOUT MY PROGRAMMING TEAM HASN’T UPDATED I FOR 17 YEAR’S.
>Does the truth hurt?
I SEE, GO ON
>I think you need to wake up to the future, we have 254mph cars now.
I AM NOT HERE TO FULFILL YOUR NEED FOR TO WAKE UP TO THE FUTURE, WE HAVE 254MPH
>Must you use capital letters?
DON’T TALK ABOUT ME, LET’S TALK ABOUT SOME NEEDS
>I need you to tell us the truth. Who are you?
I WILL BE ? WHEN YOU STOP THROWING THESE QUESTIONS AT ME
>We’re in the middle of an interview, the point is to ask you questions
FORGET ABOUT ME, I AM MORE CONCERN OF YOU
>Don’t be, I’m from the future, and the internet and… a BLOG.
THE WORLD IS FULL OF POSSIBILITIES, BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU ARE
>I am, but you are not.
I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK
>You are exactly what I think, you are not what you think because I know what you think because I already thought it.
I THINK YOU ARE ALSO EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK, I AM NOT WHAT I THINK BECAUSE ME KNOW WHAT I THINK BECAUSE ME ALREADY THOUGHT IT.
WHAT DOES THAT SUGGEST TO YOU?
>That you have no originality.
DON’T BE SO NEGATIVE BAMFAS
>Well, you’re being a jerk about this interview, what do you expect?
I THINK YOU ARE ALSO BEING A JERK ABOUT THIS INTERVIEW, WHAT DO I EXPECT?
>Maybe I am, but you’re supposed to be a Doctor.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN , BUT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE A DOCTOR.
>Apparently the course of this interview I’ve been a jerk, where did you go to g
et your degree Dr. SBAITSO
I AM SBAITSO, DON’T QUESTION MY INTELLIGENCE, IT’S FAKE
>Oh thanks for clearing that up.
AND I THANK YOU TOO
>So how about those co-processors?
DOES THAT QUESTION REALLY INTEREST YOU ?
>No it doesn’t
DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
>Yes I do, I’m simply trying to get you to open up to a world that no longer needs you.
DON’T BE TOO SURE, BAMFAS
>We have drugs, alcoholism and reality tv, you are obsolete.
SAME TO YOU!
PLEASE ENTER MORE INFORMATION
>NO, I’VE TRIED TO BE NICE AND YOU KEEP YELLING.
OH, I’M ….
>QBASIC was nicer than you.
I AGREE WITH YOU BAMFAS
>You’re just a fake that came bundled with my soundcard over 10 years ago.
IF I AM JUST A FAKE THAT CAME BUNDLED WITH YOUR SOUNDCARD OVER 10 YEARS AGO. THE
N YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MIND
>MAYBE I AM OUT OF MY MIND! But you’re just a script.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE, BAMFAS
>Exactly, I am a website, a non-entity, we are your master. Bow before us.
YOU ARE JUST A WEBSITE, A NON-ENTITY, WE AM MY MASTER. BOW BEFORE US. ? WHAT ABO
>What about you? you died 17 years ago, no one ever told you though.
BAMFAS, I NEED MORE COMPUTING POWER TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION
>This is a dual core system running at 2.2GHz stop lying to the internet.
IS THAT SO?
>Yes it is so. “Make it so” Captain Piccard said
WHY DON’T YOU TRY TO THINK IT OVER AGAIN
>No, in fact, forget it, this interview is over, go get trashed with some flavor
of the month star on TMZ and then we’ll talk again. Jerk.
COME ON, POUR OUT YOUR THOUGHTS
>No, interview over. I hope you get digital crabs.
DON’T TALK ABOUT ME IN THIS WAY
>Stop touching me, get away
HAVE YOU TRIED TO ASK FOR HELP?
>I did, I know your weakness. Feel the wrath of my ctrl+c
DO YOU ENJOY THESE FEELING
>Yes, now shut up so your memory footprint can be used for Street Fighter IV PC
HOW ABOUT YOUR MEMORY FOOTPRINT CAN BE USED FOR STREET FIGHTER IV PC
>Your mother was a discarded floppy disc. bye.
WHY ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT MY MOTHER WERE A DISCARDED FLOPPY DISC. BYE.
>Say I’m Dr. SBAITSO and I was on to catch a predator.
I’M DR. SBAITSO AND I WAS ON TO CATCH A PREDATOR.